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In Week Nine of National Football League action…

Atlanta 17
Miami 10

Detroit 14
Minnesota 27

Oakland 23
Kansas City 27

Tennessee 14
Cleveland 20

Carolina 34
Tampa Bay 14

Cincinnati 21
Baltimore 9

Houston 14
Jacksonville 21

San Diego 31
NY Jets 26

Chicago 20
New Orleans 17

Seattle 33
Arizona 19

NY Giants 24
San Francisco 6

Pittsburgh 20
Green Bay 10

Philadelphia 10
Washington 17

Finally, we reprint for your edification a press release put out last week by the Brockton Red Sox, a Massachusetts minor league team that saw an opportunity in the resignation of Boston Red Sox Theo Epstein:

    The Brockton Rox will officially offer the position of General Manager to former Red Sox GM Theo Epstein today. After three years at the helm of the Red Sox, it’s assumed that Epstein is looking for a greater challenge.

    “We haven’t won a championship in two years,” said Rox President Jim Lucas. “But we’re bringing in a new manager, scouring the waiver wires and we can’t think of a better candidate to manage our $87,500 team payroll than Theo Epstein.”

    Epstein put together three consecutive post-season teams in his tenure with the Red Sox. In 2005, he managed to do it within the confines of a $121,311,945 payroll. The Brockton Rox – members of the Can-Am League – are restricted to an annual payroll of $87,500 by league rule. Teams may also provide players with $18 per diem and a host family for living accommodations.

    Current Rox GM, Andy Crossley, invites Epstein as a replacement.

    “If the Rox can get Theo Epstein to take this job, great. All I can say is good luck signing Manny Ramirez on our budget,” said Crossley. “We signed Emmanuel Ramirez as a pitcher last season, but we paid him about $800 per month.”

    Should Epstein accept the position, Crossley would be reassigned to Director of Promotions. “You have to flexible in the minor leagues,” said Crossley.

    The Rox offices are located at Campanelli Stadium in Brockton. They have led the league in attendance in each of the past three seasons playing in the 4,750 seat ballpark. Office space, however, is limited.

    “We don’t actually have an office for Theo,” said Lucas. “But we built two new cubicles this year and he’d have his own phone and access to the internet.”

    Lucas continued, “I can assure Theo that I won’t take credit for any player moves. I’m more concerned with getting families in and out of here for less than $45 per night and shooting off fireworks every Friday night.”
KC's View:
Our favorite press release of the year.

If Theo doesn’t take the job, we’d like a shot…